love and logic is changing my life!

I have just been raving about Love and Logic. My mother-in-law first introduced this to me because she is a teacher and implements this in the classroom. She raves about the success she's had with students. As this has come up in conversation, people have asked "So what is love and logic?" I realize that I am not great at explaining it. Now that I've had time to think about it more and refer to the book - here it is:
Love and Logic has 4 principles:

1. Build the self-concept. (Offer empathy, understanding and unconditional love. Allow children to struggle and solve their own problems. Encourage children to learn to succeed through personal thinking and learning.)
2. Share the control or decision-making. (Sharing control with firm limits teaches wisdom and responsibility. It's important to lay this foundation of setting limits before kids are teenagers.)
3. Offer empathy, then consequences. (Love and Logic parents know that the discomfort or pain of poor choices helps children learn to avoid mistakes. This must happen in a loving way. Sincere empathy works wonders. It is possible to be strict and loving at the same time. Love and Logic parents look at young children's mistakes with joy. Rather than getting angry or frustrated, they see that mistakes are opportunities for kids to think. The price tags of mistakes made by young children are much smaller than those made by teens. Ex. allowance at age 5 yrs vs. wasting one's paycheck. Ex. skinning a knee vs. crashing a car.)
4. Share the thinking & the problem solving. (Every time a problem is caused or a mistake is made, allow them to think more about the solution than you do.)

Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. 

Logic happens when we allow them to live with the consequences of their choices.

Love and logic is all about unconditional love, wise questions, allowing children to make decisions. Ultimately giving kids the tools that will help them be successful throughout life. By setting limits and being consistent this allows kids to have confidence and feel secure. It's never too early to start. At 9 months human babies are more intelligent than any other creature on the planet. 

I have listened to the CD 4-5 times already and am in the process of reading the book. I love the CD because it's more of a discussion with examples and questions. I'm really glad that I listened to that first to get started. Now that I'm reading the book, I feel like it's coming together. I'm really starting to understand how different actions and behaviors can influence children. 

When Benson was born, I noticed a change in Carly. She seemed to be whining all of the time. It was a big change and we weren't doing the things we were used to doing. It was a hard transition for her while I was recovering. Although things improved once I was able to function again and get back into our routine, it seemed we had hit the "terrible two's". As the weeks and months have passed, I'd been struggling more and more with how to respond to Carly. I would find myself asking her to do things multiple times, at times raising my voice and getting very frustrated. Of course being out in public seems to be the worst. I feel like I dread going grocery shopping each week. Even bath time was getting kind of ridiculous. I thought I could reason with a 2 year old. As it turns out, reasoning is not very effective. Who would've thought? lol 

I thought about my Mother-in-law and her great experiences with Love and Logic. Plus I was completely desperate and just about ready to try anything. 

I have been implementing these love and logic principles for the past week and have already seen results. I am not perfect and I still digress, but I know we're headed in a great direction. This has taken a lot of time, patience and practice. Here are some of the things I have done so far:

• When we're out & about I give Carly the option of holding my hand or holding onto the stroller. (And when she doesn't I loving whisper "uh-oh that is so sad" and I carry her until she calms down and is ready to answer whether she'll hold my hand or the stroller. Then I let her walk again.)
• I only ask Carly to do something once. When she doesn't comply I softly say/sing "uh-oh that is so sad" and she goes to her room. 
• We had a bath "training session". Where I put her in the bath tub and said "Carly I need you to lay down so I can wash you." Then I would say "Oh man that's such a bummer." and sing "Uh-oh that is so sad." Took her out of the tub, wrapped her in her towel and put her in her room. I had to repeat this 5-6 times until she finally listened after I asked. Baths having been going much better since - I get down to business & wash her first and then she can play with her toys. 
• Today in her gymnastics class she lasted 50 minutes!!! Woohoo! Last week we only lasted 30 min. Today I had to pull her aside twice, but she did great overall. 

Upcoming

• I want to break the grocery store whining/crying. For the next few times I'm going to go when Morgan is available. When she won't stop after asking once - she will go out to the car with Daddy and sit in her carseat. This is slightly modified from an example & suggestion they give in the book.

I would recommend this anyone and everyone. It is hard for me to articulate all the information from the book because there is a lot, but it really makes sense. I really think this is a must-read for any parent. There's always room for improvement in parenting and this has pointed out so much for me. Love and logic truly is logical. In addition to pointing out what I should do and what that does for the child, it has helped me to understand how some of the things I naturally say or do can have negative effects now and long term. I'm realizing that I need to continue to have patience and be consistent with this. I feel very strongly about this already and am excited to keep it up. I know it will help me to become a better parent and develop a better relationship with my children. A big thank you to Barb Jorgenson for introducing me to Love and Logic!

I'm deciding to turn the "terrible two's" into "terrific two's".

january

In Carly's swim class we sing a song called "B is for Bubbles" I find myself relating this song to Benson quite often. The other day Carly said uh-oh and was pointing at Bens. When I finally looked at him she said "bubbles." Too funny. 

I know you were wondering if Carly ever throws fits? Why yes she does! And surprisingly she's really good at it!

He LOVES eating his hands and often will take his hands over his binky. Many times he is trying to shove both hands in his mouth at the same time. Silly boy. 

I have a friend that blogs about her weekly new years resolutions. I'm not going to touch on everything, but here's my progress & what I have coming up.

• I am up to running 30 min continuously on the treadmill (slowly but surely getting back to my pre-pregnancy workouts). I am planning to do a 5K in March. I'm slowly getting there :)
• January house project: Window treatments and wooden crates. Curtains are complete for the Living Room. Blinds are complete for the kitchen, dining room & Carly's room and the rest have been ordered. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about our back door that has a window. (Sometimes it kind of creeps me out. You know - like late at night when you can't see outside, but you know if someone was out there they could definitely see inside? Awkward.) I saw this wooden crate idea on Pinterest and showed my husband what I wanted to do. He said "I have one of those at my Mom's house." So we grabbed these and now I can use these as decorative storage. I've totally scrubbed/cleaned them and now I'm just trying to decide where to put them…. So many options…. 
  
  
  
• Coming up February: I might be way ahead of myself, but I'm hoping to paint the address #s & outside light fixtures on my house, and paint our oak bookshelves with dark brown chalk paint. I'm also hoping Morgan will make us some DIY console tables. I would love to have one by my front door and one by my backdoor :) I think I want a darker brown so I'll probably end up staining it.
  

A Day at the Park

This is where Benson was chilling during our park shenanigans. I love this hat I found for my little Bens man. It fits his head perfectly, is super warm & has velcro so it stays on. 

This (above) pic cracks me up. She doesn't pose or smile for pics, but every once in a while she'll get close when I say "show me your teeth".

Jumping to Daddy

Our beautiful ocean view

She was running so much! Surprisingly she only fell down once. Daddy took good care of her!

All about me

I realize that I always post stuff about Carly & Benson. This post is just about me (mostly). To start off here are my New Years Resolutions:

• Workout 3-5 x week for 30 min. Since having Benson I've only been doing the elliptical. I've just started doing some treadmill workouts & am building up to running outside continuously. I also want to do a 5k and a half marathon this year.
• Keep up on the most recent General Conference talks. I burned CDs of the talks & have them in my car. I listen to them while I drive.
• Cook at least 3 meals each week. I've been pretty good at this, but need to keep it up. I also have been planning ahead and doing some freezer meals as I go. 
• Spend 1:1 time with Carly and Benson. I'm making sure I have 1:1 time with each every day. I'm also trying to do a Mommy-Carly date a few times each month. This month we've already done this twice where Daddy watches Benson and we go to the library and pick up some bread from Great Harvest :)
• Better snacking. That is my weakness for healthy eating. So I'm trying to incorporate more veggies, fruits, dehydrated fruit, etc. I'm also trying not to buy treats. So far, so good. But, then I make cookies…. But I haven't been eating candy…
• Journal for Carly & Benson at least twice each month. I've been pretty good at this in the past, so I'm just gonna keep it going.
• Focus on a house project each month. This month we're finally doing blinds & curtains! Woohoo! Before we know it we'll be focusing on our yard & garden, but in the meantime we'll stick to inside projects. I have a lot that I want to do to our house.
• CE's & RN license. I really want to keep up on my nursing skills & knowledge. My goal is to do at least one CE course or reading up on a skill each week. I'm also hoping to keep my RN license in WA which means I need to get contact hours. I've been able to be a school nurse sub for the school districts here and work when Morgan is off. Hopefully I'll have some jobs became available on Morgan's off days. We'll see how that goes, because I haven't gotten any hours so far…
• Read Sunday lessons in advance. I did this last year and really enjoyed doing it, although mainly just for gospel doctrine. This year I plan to read Gospel Doctrine & RS lessons in advance - and have that be my scripture study throughout the week. So far, so good. 

The older I get, the more I realize that I have very particular ways of doing things. Here are some random things about me:

• I love having plans and feel like I have to get out of the house every day to be successful. This is one of the big reasons I LOVE the YMCA here. It accomplishes quite a few needs: getting out of the house, Carly getting to play with toys and other kids, and me - getting to workout. 
• I love sandwiches. Everyday I look forward to eating a sandwich for lunch. Not just any sandwich - I pretty much eat the same lunch every day (I do mix up my veggies though). I have to have hillshire farms turkey, tillamook medium cheddar cheese, avocado & tomato. And I can't eat it on regular bread, I either need a roll or a wrap. I just started eating sandwich wraps this last week (because I ran out of my sandwich rolls) - I have whole wheat & spinach herb and both are really good. 
• Sometimes I feel like I live out of my car. Because I like to go the Y pretty much everyday - and I frequently like to run errands right after - we're usually out the door pretty soon after waking up for the day. It's useful to have things in the car already like snacks, extra diapers & wipes, hand sanitizer, bottles of water, etc. I keep my moby wrap in there just in case and have a bag packed with an extra blanket, burp rags, binkies, and extra clothes for each kid just in case we need a new outfit while we're out and about. I'm kind of feeling like a boy scout right now since I'm so prepared :) Another sneaky thing I do is put a diaper in each side of the carseat (in between the hard plastic & the fabric part. That way when we're at the doctor, or wherever, and need a diaper (and don't want to run out to the car) - I already have a couple with him. 
• I am determined that my children will be swimmers. They each have multiple swim suits and I am constantly thinking of how I can make swim lessons work for each of them. Benson will be 4 months in February and I'm already planning to take him swimming for the first time then! Carly is in a swim class right now and doing great. 
• Sometimes I have a hard time getting myself to do things, but once I do something I get into this "get stuff done" mode. Then it's hard for me to want to kick back and relax. I've been trying to get myself in this mode more and more (especially with all the house projects I want to do). 

3 months!

I can't believe how fast this boy is growing! Last week I weighed him when we were in for the second half of his immunizations (I spread out his immunizations - doing 1/2 during his well child visit, then do the other 1/2 the following month). Benson is wearing 6-9 month clothing and size 2 diapers. He loves to smile and always seems to have bubbles and drool on his lips and chin… and shirt… Carly didn't drool so this is new for us. He hates tummy time and truth be told this baby is already crawling - when he's screaming on his tummy.... Loves to be on his back with toys hanging over - he touches his toys - already working on that hand-eye coordination :) He also likes to have his tummy blown on, likes to sit on Carly's head and kick her in the tummy, and loves to be sung to and smiled at. He smiles at himself in the mirror. His favorite way to be held is facing outward and sitting on my hip. This makes for tired arms on really fussy days. I must admit I love those gummy smiles, so I'm ok with this baby stage for just a bit longer.

We went to a friend's birthday party. Carly was dancing around (no, there wasn't any music….). She also kept putting on princess shoes to walk around the house.

Carly is always trying to sit on or climb on Benson. Kind of weird, but also pretty hilarious. She loves to be wherever he is - on the floor, in the bouncer chair, under the play mat, etc.

Did I mention how Carly's new favorite saying is "oh man!" Today we were playing with friends at our house and all the sudden Benson was crying from his cradle and she said "oh man!" Love this girl. The  other day I bathed Benson & Carly at the same time. Carly was being such a great little helper - washing Benson's head with the washcloth. It was very cute & lots of fun.